Mawwige

I always thought marriage was inevitable. Whether I was interested or not, I would probably get married. So I might as well take stock of my options, right?

Every eligible bachelor I met after that, I analyzed. I went down a mental checklist.

I took into account his posture - Did he stand straight and tall like he knew who he was and what he was about? Did he slump like he didn't really care about his appearance and was living his life just to "get by"?

Did he carry himself like the man I would respect and honor for the rest of my/his life and be the man I want my sons to be? Did he make himself "available" to young ladies through flattery or flirtation?

I looked at his countenance - Did his face show an active joy? Did it show peace? Or did his face say, "It's all about me, yeah."?

And clothing, too. Did his pants hang down around his knees? Were they full of holes? Did his shirt have writing on it that would shame me? Were they expensive, snobby clothes? Were his shoes those shrimpy little whatchamacallits that are so fashionable these days?

Was he the type who would command and demand my respect and control my every move, or would he earn my respect through caring, love, and devotion, like Paul described to Timothy?

What about language? Were his words "drawing room fashion," as I like to put it?

Did his hands look like they were used to hard work, or were they soft and delicate?

Could I live, work, and sleep next to him every day for the rest of my life? You might think it forward of me to ask that the moment I met a man, but that's what marriage is.

That's a very small sample of my checklist. I set the bar high and would accept nothing less. Truthfully, I thought I'd set it so high that I would never find someone.


***


And... Then one day in late September 2008, while at college... Second day of choir... A young man walked in the room. He'd just switched classes and needed an extra credit to be a full-time student. I went down my checklist from across the room:

He stood straight and tall. His attention remained on the instructor. His face showed the joy and peace of the Lord. He wore work jeans, a long-sleeve, button-up flannel shirt, and work boots. His hands were massive and you could tell they hadn't rested for a day in his life. On and on the list went, and I put a check by each one.

On my way home from school, I said to myself, "Self! I could marry a guy like that." Then another voice answered, "Why don't you marry him?" So I thought about that. All weekend I thought about it. By the next time I saw him, I pretty well knew for sure. Now to actually meet him.

You can't just walk up to a man and say, "Hi, my name is ___, and I'm planning to marry you." Finally, I worked up the nerve to walk up and say hi while we were in the cafeteria (this being the girl who was so shy she had trouble saying "Hi" to acquaintances!). He knew my brother, David, and was around David rather often, so that helped me get to know him in the future.

Two months later, we were fairly certain we'd get married, but my parents had still never met him. I hadn't even discussed him with them. A few months after they did meet, the Cowboy asked Dad if he could "court" me. September 2009, the Cowboy asked for my hand. And now I'm wearing the ring the Cowboy designed (it couldn't be a big ring that would overwhelm my tiny hand or have pokey edges to get caught in my knitting or scratch a baby).

According to every conservative Christian book on courting, we did everything wrong. The woman took initiative to speak to the man. The man did not go to her father first. Neither met each other's parents. They never had chaperons as their parents trusted their judgment implicitly.

So that is how I came to be engaged to my best friend, high school sweetheart that I met in college, and my first love after Christ.

God works in odd ways sometimes. You have to be able to distinguish His voice from what you believe from the books you've read. Trust Him fully. You trusted Him to save you from eternal death! Trust Him to find your spouse!

An Aspect on the Love Chapter in Relation to Spiritual Gifts

1st Corinthians 13.

Whenever I hear this recited or see it printed on a card, it goes from verse 4 to 8a, ending with "Love never fails." If you've never read it, go read it now and then come back.

It's a wonderful description of what love is. But there are a few other pieces of this puzzle. Yes, this is in my beloved King James, so y'all can find your favorite translation if you like. :-) Verses 1-3:

1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have not charity [love], I am become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.
2. And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge; and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains and have not charity [love], I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned and have not charity [love], it profiteth me nothing.

What brought this up? Chapter 12. It's all about spiritual gifts. He'd just gotten done telling these people about the different gifts, but then in chapter 13, he says, "WAIT! There's another part here, folks!" He says if your spiritual gift is tongues, but you don't love, you'll just be babbling and making raucous noise. Or if you have the gift of prophecy, and you don't love, you're nothing. Even if you're martyred and have no love, it don't give ya nothin'.

Maybe that's not a surprise to you, but I memorized this entire chapter when I was 13 and said those first verses over and over... and never caught on that he was talking about those oh, so special spiritual gifts! I didn't understand that it was my responsibility to love at ALL TIMES and that through my love, I will speak in tongues or I will prophesy or give mercy or have faith. I don't know my spiritual gift.

Or maybe I don't have to know what it is. Maybe through love and devotion to my Lord, it will simply spill out of me.

^^^Think about that. Do you need to know your gift to follow Christ? I know some people who will say yes. Me? I say no.

Why is love more important than gifts? The rest of verse 8 that we skipped, verse 9, and verse 10.

8b. ...but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail. Whether there be tongues, they shall cease. Whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
10. For we know in part, and we prophecy in part.
11. But when that which is perfect is come, that which is in part shall be done away.

Your gift is your vehicle to share your love. First you have love. Then your gift pops up and says, "Hey! Look at God's love!" To use this megaphone, you must first have your message. Learn your message. Practice your message. Be devoted to your message. Love your message.