Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Mawwige

I always thought marriage was inevitable. Whether I was interested or not, I would probably get married. So I might as well take stock of my options, right?

Every eligible bachelor I met after that, I analyzed. I went down a mental checklist.

I took into account his posture - Did he stand straight and tall like he knew who he was and what he was about? Did he slump like he didn't really care about his appearance and was living his life just to "get by"?

Did he carry himself like the man I would respect and honor for the rest of my/his life and be the man I want my sons to be? Did he make himself "available" to young ladies through flattery or flirtation?

I looked at his countenance - Did his face show an active joy? Did it show peace? Or did his face say, "It's all about me, yeah."?

And clothing, too. Did his pants hang down around his knees? Were they full of holes? Did his shirt have writing on it that would shame me? Were they expensive, snobby clothes? Were his shoes those shrimpy little whatchamacallits that are so fashionable these days?

Was he the type who would command and demand my respect and control my every move, or would he earn my respect through caring, love, and devotion, like Paul described to Timothy?

What about language? Were his words "drawing room fashion," as I like to put it?

Did his hands look like they were used to hard work, or were they soft and delicate?

Could I live, work, and sleep next to him every day for the rest of my life? You might think it forward of me to ask that the moment I met a man, but that's what marriage is.

That's a very small sample of my checklist. I set the bar high and would accept nothing less. Truthfully, I thought I'd set it so high that I would never find someone.


***


And... Then one day in late September 2008, while at college... Second day of choir... A young man walked in the room. He'd just switched classes and needed an extra credit to be a full-time student. I went down my checklist from across the room:

He stood straight and tall. His attention remained on the instructor. His face showed the joy and peace of the Lord. He wore work jeans, a long-sleeve, button-up flannel shirt, and work boots. His hands were massive and you could tell they hadn't rested for a day in his life. On and on the list went, and I put a check by each one.

On my way home from school, I said to myself, "Self! I could marry a guy like that." Then another voice answered, "Why don't you marry him?" So I thought about that. All weekend I thought about it. By the next time I saw him, I pretty well knew for sure. Now to actually meet him.

You can't just walk up to a man and say, "Hi, my name is ___, and I'm planning to marry you." Finally, I worked up the nerve to walk up and say hi while we were in the cafeteria (this being the girl who was so shy she had trouble saying "Hi" to acquaintances!). He knew my brother, David, and was around David rather often, so that helped me get to know him in the future.

Two months later, we were fairly certain we'd get married, but my parents had still never met him. I hadn't even discussed him with them. A few months after they did meet, the Cowboy asked Dad if he could "court" me. September 2009, the Cowboy asked for my hand. And now I'm wearing the ring the Cowboy designed (it couldn't be a big ring that would overwhelm my tiny hand or have pokey edges to get caught in my knitting or scratch a baby).

According to every conservative Christian book on courting, we did everything wrong. The woman took initiative to speak to the man. The man did not go to her father first. Neither met each other's parents. They never had chaperons as their parents trusted their judgment implicitly.

So that is how I came to be engaged to my best friend, high school sweetheart that I met in college, and my first love after Christ.

God works in odd ways sometimes. You have to be able to distinguish His voice from what you believe from the books you've read. Trust Him fully. You trusted Him to save you from eternal death! Trust Him to find your spouse!

4 comments:

  1. Dear Cora~
    I have wanted to write you now for several days, but between being in the city all one day; having a friend here for a couple days; getting the flu; setting up a fish tank; doing major house cleaning; etc...., I just haven't sat down and done it--so sorry about that!
    I wanted to let you know that I do enjoy reading your thoughts and have now added you to my "Favorite Blogs" list. I don't actually follow many people, as I find it easier to go to their blogs from my sidebar. :)
    This post was very interesting to read and I find we have very similar tastes when it comes to a man's appearance/bearing. My friend, Miranda and I were talking about how we both will probably end up marrying farmers, as we couldn't stand living in the city with "That" kind of a guy. :)
    ...Anyway, I'm so glad the Lord has brought you together with your cowboy and I hope that, maybe, perhaps you'll share a picture of yourself and him someday??? On your wedding day, perhaps? :)
    Keep trusting the Lord in the days ahead~
    Cora

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  2. So I'm finally reading your "list" of qualities that you looked for in a husband. And it hits me that my brother fit the bill exactly. Which makes me believe that if the Creator of the Universe can bring 2 people who never would have met or carried on a conversation without that "tap on the shoulder", surely I can continue to live my life as a single girl to the fullest possible and also trust God to fulfill my deep desires. What hope we have in Jesus! And I have always told you that I couldn't have picked out a better woman for my brother than you. :) Love, the Master

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  3. This is a well-composed essay of your entrance to be called alongside a man to be his help meet. I have been married 28 years to one man. My being called alongside David was not Book Form either; it is incredibly tender when we can ponder in our hearts the creative work of LOVE and see it unfold its beauty in a lifetime... that's marriage. Dear one, it will take work and courage to maintain the tender moments you are experiencing now as the course of your days unfold with Cowboy. Don't let work and courage scare you at all, that is what love is all about; through trials and tribulations you can ponder the same sweet savour of LOVE. It never fails. As it is coming to you right now for one man allow the spirit of life to deeply and tenderly touch every situation the both of you will go through together. Marriage has it difficulties: "Such will have trouble in this life." I really like that you took the time to characterize "the man" for your heart- in the same way we are immersed into the nature and character of LOVE (i,e, GOD); as we walk this earthen sod and grow to be more like LOVE (i,e GOD). You will learn incredible unselfishness as you enter marriage, even now, may you aspire to map your interests with your cowboy in such a way that you can honor his individuality even as you are called 'one flesh". I want you to succeed in pleasing him as a married women as much as I want your cowboy to please you as a married man. You can help this along right now by petitioning LOVE (i,e God) to fill you fully with a tongue of sweetness and all together lovliness when speaking about what you want to do and what your aspirations are for your wedded life together. The wedding day is incredibly special; but the lifetime of commmunicating needs (his, hers, ours, (theirs): aka "babes") as they must be met within the covenant is a celebrated life of love, labor and beauty beyond the veil....

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  4. Hey there Cora - what an interesting person you are, I mean that in the best possible way. What a good story :-) I am mightily encouraged by the 'non-book-like-form' your courtship took. God is good and I have lived an unorthodox life so far. I have always said that if God so desired, He could make a man out of the dust in the back yard and present him at the front door with a red bow and a sign that said - "Hey Ann - I'm your Man, with Love, from God."!!!
    Congrats, may He bless you mightily. Keep trusting Him Always- Forever- Utterly.
    Ann from
    Washboard Storms

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